We are all guilty of wanting to find love, admit it. Love through either happiness, friendship, passion even commitment. Some may claim to not be looking, but no matter what, we wonder if the person that catches our eye is available or interested when we meet someone we find ourselves attracted to. Sometimes it can be through simple lust or desire, but we all still do that little mental check list from wedding ring check to the kissability meter.
The reality of single life is we often have to find ways to keep our minds and hearts occupied until the real thing comes our way. I all too often find that I choose a fantasy relationship. When it comes to fantasy relationships, there are a few different types and I have gone through each of these, and sometimes all of these at the same time, to get by.
1. There is the random stranger crush
Yep, that coffee barista, the courier driver or the server at your favorite restaurant. Usually too young and often a little simple in their intentions (they are just doing their job) but just enough to keep us getting excited enough to go back for a second cup or ensure we are the ones free to sign off for that parcel.
How often do we get excited when they remember how we take our coffee or remember our name or give that little crooked smile or wink. It makes our heart race because we feel special and noticed. They give us something to look forward to each day and something to smile at and most importantly, they give us hope.
2. There is the unhealthy coworker crush
We spend so much time at work, more time there than at home. Our coworkers share our stories and we bond with them over stressful meetings and unreasonable bosses. They see our strengths and weaknesses and in turn we can develop a connection with them. All too often with all this contact, these connections can develop into crushes. Sometimes that guy that is a few cubicles down can keep you motivated to impress your boss, plus (who are we kidding) impress them.
Bumping into them on your coffee break or finding that you are on the same shift rotation can be just the right thing to get you up and out of bed in the morning. Taking a few extra minutes to ensure your mascara is wiped clean or make sure you wear something that makes you feel pretty and sexy is all you need to put a spring in your step and get you to work with a smile on your face … and hopefully a smile on their face as well.
3. There is the “going back to memories of the ex” fantasy
This is a dangerous one, they are your ex for a reason. But no matter what there were, a lot of good times to go hand in hand with the bad times. We would not have been with them if we did not have a connection; whether it was spiritual, emotional or sexual.
I recommend going down this path only if you know there is no way you can ever get back together and you are not holding out on hope of them “changing”. It can be a vicious spiral downward if you are not fantasizing with a clear head. It is like drinking and driving only fantasizing on memories. It is dangerious, clouds our judgement and taints our memories. I shall preach from the rooftops: “Don’t fantasize on memories.”
The ex fantasy should only be used as a last resort as a preventative measure in the case of falling for another person in that you know you should not fall for.
4. There is the famous fantasy crush
This is one that I come to all to often. It is so easy to fixate on that dashing gentleman from a the Hollywood screen. The reformed bad boy or all american jock that wins the girl in the end. They are the easiest and safest way to get our crush fix, but the reality is we will never get this guy. Firstly, they are ficticious characters and secondly, there is little hope of us “bumping” into them at the supermarket.
OK, given all these odds stacked against us, we still find time to waste hours away day dreaming that we are the one that they will choose. We want to be the quirky girl in the rom com that gets the guy dispite all odds. We really do want love to win, no matter how jaded we become. We want to be proven wrong!
I vote for fantasy over reality when we are single any day. Better than nothing, it is harmless and it keeps us alive, active and ready for love.
5. There is the cuddle alternative
The safest of all bets, the one that we really need to fill the void. We all miss human touch, affection and cuddles when we are single.
Ladies, a picture says a thousand words.