We are all guilty of wanting to find love, admit it.  Love through either happiness, friendship, passion even commitment.  Some may claim to not be looking, but no matter what, we wonder if the person that catches our eye is available or interested when we meet someone we find ourselves attracted to.  Sometimes it can be through simple lust or desire, but we all still do that little mental check list from wedding ring check to the kissability meter.

The reality of single life is we often have to find ways to keep our minds and hearts occupied until the real thing comes our way.  I  all too often find that I choose a fantasy relationship.  When it comes to fantasy relationships, there are a few different types and I have gone through each of these, and sometimes all of these at the same time, to get by.

1.  There is the random stranger crush

Yep, that coffee barista, the courier driver or the server at your favorite restaurant.  Usually too young and often a little simple in their intentions (they are just doing their job) but just enough to keep us getting excited enough to go back for a second cup or ensure we are the ones free to sign off for that parcel.

How often do we get excited when they remember how we take our coffee or remember our name or give that little crooked smile or wink.  It makes our heart race because we feel special and noticed.  They give us something to look forward to each day and something to smile at and most importantly, they give us hope.

2. There is the unhealthy coworker crush

We spend so much time at work, more time there than at home.  Our coworkers share our stories and we bond with them over stressful meetings and unreasonable bosses.  They see our strengths and weaknesses and in turn we can develop a connection with them.  All too often with all this contact, these connections can develop into crushes.  Sometimes that guy that is a few cubicles down can keep you motivated to impress your boss, plus (who are we kidding) impress them.

Bumping into them on your coffee break or finding that you are on the same shift rotation can be just the right thing to get you up and out of bed in the morning.  Taking a few extra minutes to ensure your mascara is wiped clean or make sure you wear something that makes you feel pretty and sexy is all you need to put a spring in your step and get you to work with a smile on your face … and hopefully a smile on their face as well.

3. There is the “going back to memories of the ex” fantasy

This is a dangerous one, they are your ex for a reason.  But no matter what there were, a lot of good times to go hand in hand with the bad times.  We would not have been with them if we did not have a connection; whether it was spiritual, emotional or sexual.

I recommend going down this path only if you know there is no way you can ever get back together and you are not holding out on hope of them “changing”.  It can be a vicious spiral downward if you are not fantasizing with a clear head.  It is like drinking and driving only fantasizing on memories.  It is dangerious, clouds our judgement and taints our memories.  I shall preach from the rooftops: “Don’t fantasize on memories.”

The ex fantasy should only be used as a last resort as a preventative measure in the case of falling for another person in that you know you should not fall for.

4. There is the famous fantasy crush 

This is one that I come to all to often.  It is so easy to fixate on that dashing gentleman from a the Hollywood screen.   The reformed bad boy or all american jock that wins the girl in the end.  They are the easiest and safest way to get our crush fix, but the reality is we will never get this guy.  Firstly, they are ficticious characters and secondly, there is little hope of us “bumping” into them at the supermarket.

OK, given all these odds stacked against us, we still find time to waste hours away day dreaming that we are the one that they will choose.  We want to be the quirky girl in the rom com that gets the guy dispite all odds.  We really do want love to win, no matter how jaded we become.  We want to be proven wrong!

I vote for fantasy over reality when we are single any day.  Better than nothing, it is harmless and it keeps us alive, active and ready for love.

5. There is the cuddle alternative

The safest of all bets, the one that we really need to fill the void.  We all miss human touch, affection and cuddles when we are single.

Ladies, a picture says a thousand words.

Lessons learned!

Kicking off 2012 with a bang was my intention this year.  But come the third week of January there has been little bang and more fizzle.

While I was expecting to be out living my life to its fullest, exploring all four corners of this lovely city, I have found myself exploring the four corners of my apartment and the four corners of my thoughts.  That’s right, I have spent the first part of the new year reflecting on a new me, a new attitude and a new motto.  Go figure.

New motto you ask?  What could I possibly be taking on as my new motto.  Well, it may not be as much motto as it is a statement.  A statement to myself.  I am going to continue my journey and focus on me but most importantly, I am bringing sexy back.

Mmm Hmm…Sexy back.  How you ask?

1. Walking with my head high and my cheeks clenched

I have always been guilty of walking and looking down at my feet. This began from a survival tactic.  Anyone who knows me would vouch for me here and say that it is important that I continue this pattern and keep with the stance.  The thing is I am far from graceful, I trip over invisible cracks in the street, roll my ankles and stumble on my own feet.  I have the regular bumps, scrapes and bruises to prove it.  But by assuming this stance when I walk has given me little confidence and in turn I rarely notice people walking by.

It is like I am in my little zone and I walk as fast as I can, as efficiently as I can. I realize that stooped look is not very attractive, nor is it approchable.  If I cannot walk down the street and look a complete stranger in the eye and smile, I don’t have the confidence to do much else.  I can never stop to smell the roses or take a cheeky peek at a good looking stranger.  Oh ya, and keep those butt cheeks clenched as a tight booty is always sexy.

2. Sway  

It is amazing how quickly when I walk with my head held high I automatically change the way I walk.  In fact, I begin to strut!  The hips sway, the feet are placed one in front of the other and I feel like I am walking straight down a runway in Milan.

Unfortunately, with this I always begin to envision myself doing the following:

One foot in front of the other, heel toe, heel toe, heel, heel, toe…and down I go.

3. Look good every time I step out the door

Even when you don’t feel good and you have to scrape yourself off the couch to go and get milk from the grocery store, never sell yourself short.  My style has evolved over the years and what I have learned the most is that whenever I leave the house I want to feel pretty.  That does not mean I have to be all tarted up to get milk, it just means that you put in the effort to leave the house for myself.

How many times are we out not feeling our best and we dread meeting up with an ex or that cute neighbour.  We hope no one see’s us.  Why should we feel that way?  If we do not feel comfortable leaving looking a certain way, change it.

I wore jogging pants outside last week for the first time in years other than camping.  I was amazed at how self conscious I was.  Don’t get me wrong, I did not look bad just far too relaxed.  But it made me realize it was the first time in a long time I choose comfort over style and I had no idea how important it was for me to feel good when I leave.

4. The muffin top is the best part of the muffin

I was having a conversation with a guy friend and somehow we started talking about the dreaded “muffin top” or love handles we get with age.  He immediately replied back saying that the muffin top is the best part of the muffin.  His response was so sincere, genuine and honest it will stick with me forever, even if just for a smile.

They now make muffins that are only the tops and it is the part that we save for the last and enjoy the most in the pastry, why not accept it about ourselves with the same appreciation?

Basically, what we need to take from this pastry is that it is not our physical appearance that is matters as much we market it.  How we own it.  How we love it.

5. Channel those sexy icons

Recently, a guy told me I was sexy.  While it feels good to hear someone you are attracted to be attracted to you too, it was something I am still getting used to hearing.  I find it hard to place myself in the sexy category with all the media images that are bombarded in my brain of what sexy is, so hearing someone I wanted to think I was sexy more than anyone else at that time felt pretty damn good.  Although I was shy at first, I am beginning to embrace it more and more every day.

People see the thin women portrayed as sexy as they are in every magazine, every movie, every form of entertainment.  But the ones that make the most impact and deemed as the sexiest ones are the curvy real women like Christina Hendricks, Scarlett Johanson, Marilyn Monroe and the original M.I.L.F Jennifer Coolidge.

You are as sexy as you allow yourself to be.  Sexy is a concept that only you can hold and embrace, no one else is going to do it for you.

Lessons learned!

I love the band Sugarland.  I love dancing to them around the house in my underwear, or in my car driving to the grocery store, or for motivation during the last 10 minutes of my run or inspiration at work.  I have found their upbeat songs and lyrics to often full my heart with the sunshine it needs at the time.

I realize not everyone can appreciate country music, but for some reason Sugarland always knows just what to say to me when I need it to be said.

1. I ain’t settlin’ for anything less than everything

15 minutes left to throw me together
For mister right now, not mister forever
Don’t know why I even try when I know how it ends
Lookin’ like another maybe we could be friends
I’ve been leavin’ it up to fate

2. I ain’t saying that I’m perfect but I promise I’m worth it

Slow to trust but I’m quick to love
I push too hard and I give too much
I ain’t saying that I’m perfect but I promise I’m worth it

3. There has to be a you, for every girl like me

And if you don’t think that’s enough….
I’ll be the prize on the back of the cereal box
and the key that you found that you thought that you lost and
I’ll be the why to your because

Because I, I, I am not perfect
But I, I, I, I know I’m worth it
And I, I, I gotta believe, there has to be a you
For every girl like me.

4. You’ll find the beat again

Nothin’ lasts forever if you open up your heart and let it in…..
You’ll find the beat again

You’ve been blue for a while and you just can’t shake it
Got no reason to smile so you have to fake it
And with the way you’re feeling, thinking that you gotta pretend
Though I know you say you got your reasons, you kick it ’til you break it again

5. It Happens

But it’s poor me, why me, oh me, boring
The same old worn out, blah, blah story
There’s no good explanation for it at all

Ain’t no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain’t no need to over-think it
Let go, laughing
Life don’t go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand it
The irrefutable, indisputable fact is
It happens

I struggled with trying to find just 5 songs I have learned from Sugarland.  I had to settle for 6 in this post, because, there really does have to be something more …

6. There’s gotta be something more

There’s gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I’m gonna take my chances
Taking any chance I might
Find what I’m looking for
There’s gotta be something more

Lessons learned!

Where does one find a decent guy to date now a days?  You cannot look at the places that one usually looks anymore like:

1. Workplace

Can I get a HELL NO!  It is a lesson I have decided to drill into my head.  Just recently I was asked by my best friend to raise my right hand and swear an oath to never “flirt, kiss, date, or fantasize over any male coworkers … any time soon” (We had to throw in the last part as we can never say never).  But in all honesty, who wants to have to look at that person everyday, day after day, all day that is not interested in pursuing things.  It is basically like a cruel break up that just never ends and you have to relive over and over.

2. Networking

Even that guy that you meet randomly through a friend does not seem to prove a decent date.

It seems that the friend seal of approval along with countless interventions and guidance cannot even secure that they are not going to flake out.  I realize that too much hand holding and guiding the relationship along can be a bit too much, but it is interesting that even then you do not guarantee the best men.

3. Online dating

I like to think of online dating like window shopping.  Sometimes doing a double take and stopping to take a look.  Sometimes walking right up close and placing your hands and forehead right up to the glass and gazing in awe.  Sometimes even going inside and trying it on, but usually leading to the result of not buying the product.

It is a lot of fun on a lonely Friday night trying to find out who is out there and trying to find love too, but more times than not they are looking to hook up.

4. House parties

Maybe the fact that “party” is still in the title should be a warning.  But hey, you know the same people so there is something in common there already.

Besides, this is a great way to get to see if they are legit … on the dance floor that is.

5. Random encounters

I have never met someone in a line at a coffee shop or at group sporting event or any of those ways that people seem to in the movies. Well, I have not gotten a date out of it anyway.

Maybe we need to go back to the bars and just start at square one in the one place you know you are not supposed to meet someone.

Maybe the bar has come full circle and is now the place to actually meet them.

Lesson’s learned?

I love collecting little words and phrases that I can really connect with.  It may make me a little more crazy I know, but I love the little smile they bring to my heart whenever I randomly find them.

I am not sure if I collect them as a special way to tell me what to think or remind me how to feel or as a way of seeing what I could not quite put in to words, but they always seem fitting

It just love opening up a cook book or an old book and I find a little tear from a magazine that I connected with as a bookmark in a cook book for my favorite recipe.  When I go to a card shop and get that special card that connects to me and I buy the card to give to myself.  Today, it came from a friend that introduced me to a blog that had beautiful random pics and posts and these were the ones that spoke to me today.

1. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong

2. I’ve got a bad case of the eff-its

3. Eff ‘em we don’t need ‘em

4. You are the best kind of eff’d up

5. My happy place is your happy place burning down

I realized I can find a little word that can be my mantra for the day and say the things that I do not have the courage to say out loud enough.  If I can just read them and smile, it makes me feel a little better.

Lessons learned!

Welcome to the new millennium of dating folks: Online

Where we have the pleasure of window shopping at the possibility of new relationship potential and can choose those that we are attracted to based on random pictures, dialogue and checked boxes.

I have tried online dating a couple of times now, with little success and leaving myself relatively unscathed.  For any of you that have tried it before, those basic question’s about your self are tedious to answer and a pain in the butt to interpret but seem to “match” you up with potential mates.

1. What exactly is “Christian other”?

With all of these questions you need to answer, one of the sections is geared at your religious beliefs.  Now religion is a touchy subject along with sex and politics we all know, so it is always interesting to see what potential mates offer in this section.  I am always a little curious and mildly hesitant when I see someone that checks off the option of “Christian other” however.

I realize this heading covers many topics and generalizes, as there are the big religions available to choose from (Catholic, Muslim, Jewish, Lutheran, Baptist etc…) but isn’t it just sufficient to say “Christian”?

“Christian Other”, shouldn’t it just be Christian?  I am so confused…

2. Does everyone really workout 3-4 times a week?  Really?  REALLY?

It is amazing how everyone assumes that women are the ones that are self-conscious and worry about what other think of them.  I am a healthy person and like to work out and remain active  week, but it is interesting to see how often people claim to work out.  Wow, the lower mainland is a crazy active, healthy and fit population woo hoo, we may as well remove this portion of the questionnaire completely.  Looks like we should all buy shares and stocks in the fitness industry.

3. Is there a crazy filter app?

Come on now, are all the normal guys taken?  I realize we all have more and more baggage as we get older, but I still do not want a hockey bag full of crazy that has yet to be washed from the last 10 season’s excessive sweat,  wear and tear.

It is amazing what kind of crazy you encounter on these sites.  From being belittled for not sending a message to someone in the first place, to being called horrible things for not responding back to everyone to being criticized for what you say or show on your profile.

No, I do not want to hook up with you.  No, copy and pasting messages from girl to girl does not make us feel special.  No, criticizing my profile or photo will not get a response.  No, I do not want to meet you for a coffee when we have not chatted.  No, I am not interested in seeing you pet snake.

No. No. No. No. No.

4. Why bother to lie, we will figure out you are not that cool soon enough

I guess this is the basic fear that everyone seems to have when they are online dating.  Is this person going to be the “friend” in all the provided blurry photos.  The person that is the opposite of the gender you are searching for that is 10-20 years older than they claim, married with a von Trapp troop of illegitimate children looking for their next intimate encounter?  This all seems more stereotypical and extreme than even the simplest stretching of the truth that can get you easily caught in the web of lies you weave.

Basically, building from personal experience, I met one guy online that seemed really cool.  Was into extreme sports, was active the classic “3-4 times/week”, seemed cute from the single picture he provided.  Was well spoken, seemed to get my humor and I seemed like we should meet.  He asked me to choose a restaurant and said he was not picky and loved to try new things.  My biggest concern was that I am not very “extreme” in my daring everyday ways and I was worried he would be too out of my league in the Fear Factor sense.

Boy was I wrong.

We met.  He was the awkward and geeky guy that no longer did anything active, would go home from work and fall asleep as opposed to eating as he couldn’t be bothered.  He proceeded to pick away at the meal and restaurant he asked ME to choose and he was a meat and potato’s guy and in reality was not adventurous at all.  I was so embarrassed as he tried to be the guy he thought ladies would want in his profile, but he could not even begin to add up to the man he claimed to be in real life.

Basically, if he would have toned it down in the profile, I still would have met him, but I would have been much less embarrassed and I would have been less disappointed in the end.

5. Rejection sucks in private just as much as in public

Wether it is in a bar, at work or on the internet, rejection is hard to deal with.  We sometimes come into the online realm thinking it will be easier to have people reject us in private, but in the end it does not hurt any less and rejection just plain sucks.

I find that sometimes it hurts even more online as they know more about you than a person you just met in the bar for 5 minutes and cannot seem to talk to anything other than your best friends cleavage as they are not interested enough to engage in you.  It is rejection in private over and over and no one knows but you, that is the secret.

The best way to handle it is to start your profile with your best friend over coffee, wine or a full bag of chips and just sort it out.  Have fun with it, go through your trials and tribulations together and most importantly, try and try again.  Never give up on what you believe you deserve (within reason) and share your experiences whether good or bad with your best friend.  Sometimes you will find out that your experiences are not so horrible after all.

Lessons learned?

1. Don’t drink and bake

This is the basic reason for the whole post.  Not much more can be said here as the rest of the lessons were learned one after the other.

We always feel a little invincible after a few glasses of wine and really everything seems like a great idea.  How many things moments have we talked ourselves into?  Those really “great ideas” that usually end up making embarassing and awkward memories, but always to be remembered as a good laugh for many years to come.  I have had many of these moments as I am typically pretty happy and fun when I drink, but the most recent adventure was the great banana bread incident of 2011.

2. Starting to bake after bedtime

Really, the biggest clue is that if you have to set your phone to remind you to wake up before the smoke detectors go off, you should not start baking.

3. Read the instructions carefully

I will admit I am not the best at reading the instructions on a recipe.  It can be tricky to distinguish TSP vs TBSP on a sober brain and thankfully it is one I have mastered.  However,  the vino-goggles leave everything magnified.  Those undefined directions like 6 ripe bananas OR 3 cups of mashed bananas can throw you for a loop.  When you have 6 extra large bananas where do you draw the line?  The sober brain would tell you to get those trusty measuring cups out and put them to use, but the vino-goggle brain says you can totally guesstimate.  Wrong.

The most important thing we all know with baking is you have to test your goods before you pull them out of the oven for good.  When you get a time span for things being completed, you cannot assume it is completed when you reach the first number.  Basically, 45-60 minutes to have something be fully baked is a very big time span.  When you don’t even realize there was a time span and only see the first number you are in trouble already.  You are in even more trouble if you think at the 45 minute mark you can take the baking out of the oven and just go to bed without even testing to see if it is done.  Wrong again.

4. You cannot re-bake the next morning

The excitement of the night before and the rush of a small hangover on a Friday morning can leave us all a bit shattered when you look with pride at the baking and realize that they are sad little collapsed loaves.  While I have not baked much over the past year and have done a lot of cooking, my natural cooking reaction is to put it back on the heat to fix my mistakes.  This is not something that can be done with baking.  That’s right folks, I shrugged my shoulders and but the oven back to 350, but the loaves in and jumped in the shower.  It was not until I had the shampoo lathering in my hair that soap bubbles finally woke my up enough to run out of the shower soaking wet and pull those loaves out of the barely warmed oven.

5. Everything is salvageable 

Even though the procedure was eventful, the best part was the finished product.  You can always cut and paste to happiness and in the end, it still tasted yummy!

Lessons learned!

1. Alone vs. Lonely

I have come to realize that these two words are not interchangeable and can often contradict each other.  Just because you are alone, does not mean that you are lonely and in turn just because you are lonely, does not mean that you are alone.

I find that the lonely times can be the hardest times but often it is in these lonely times, we can really get to know ourselves.  The true testament of who we are can emerge from the depths of loneliness.

2. Single vs. Available

As soon are we are not in a relationship, we are immediately classified as single.  It is a label that we often dread.  But we quickly learn that it does not mean we are out in the world looking for the other side of our coin, the piece of the missing puzzle that completes us, our permanent plus one.  We also find and rediscover our true friends.  Those that are there to pick us up off the floor and remember it was not all the kings horses and all the kings men that could put us back together again, it was our friends that could.  Piece by piece.

It is not until when we begin dating again that we find the people that are single but not available.  Often worded as “unavailable”.  There are so many excuses we come up with when we are not available and single.  Emotionally unavailable, physically unavailable, spiritually unavailable.  Whatever label we want to put before the word as an excuse, what it comes down to is the key word unavailable or not available.  It is a fun little game of chess or Russian roulette out there in the dating world trying to figure out and classify what singletons are.

3. Rescue vs. Save

There is always that image of that knight on the white horse coming to rescue us from lives.  This is the male ideal that as little girls we are taught to seek.  There is a big difference though, most people are not actually looking to be rescued.  In all honesty, what do the majority of western women need rescuing from?  I understand that there are horrible situations out there and that these people are looking to be rescued, but we can only rescue ourselves.

What most people are really looking for it so be saved.  We are our own worst enemies and critics, having someone come along and finally prove all those things we stress about wrong, saved from our preconceived notions of the world and most importantly saved from ourselves.

4. Dream vs. Fantasy

I am fairly confident that we have all at some point in our lives wanted to be famous.  Whether it be a movie star, pop star, athlete, walking the red carpet we usually mistakenly claim this to be our “dream”.  But the reality is, this is not a dream at all but really a fantasy.  A dream is something that there is a possibility of achieving,  The fantasy is that there is not really any chance to get it.  We can think about it and obsess over it (or in the case of dating, them) with little risk of getting hurt.  It is easier to risk rejection by someone that will never have the opportunity to follow through as opposed to putting ourselves out there in the real world to someone that is real and can turn you down or have no interest in you.  True rejection.  Just try to live your dreams and dream your fantasies, either way just live.  Nothing that is worth it comes easy.

5. Games vs. Strategy

“Play hard to get.”  This is a concept that seems to the a bit of a mystery.  If you seem too eager, their attraction and desire seems to sway, if you play coy they seem to be more interested and keen.  The problem is that all these words lead to the concept of “playing” which is right away a game.  No one wants to play games in a relationship and it is not a fair way to get to know someone.

Remembering that games are not meant to be played in a relationship.  No one likes it when they are first dating someone and they realize they are not being honest and being played.  Many women feel that it is a part of the chase and the allure for a man to a woman, but this is often a misconception.

Really it is more of a strategy than playing games.  So how does one get to find a balance of “being” cool as opposed to “playing” cool?  I have a strategy that works for me as an excellent reality check with my friends.  I just need to be told to “chill the eff out”.  Basically, as I start to question my feelings or his (there is no point in trying figure out what they are thinking as they are their own person) I will call, text or email my closest friends and ask them to drill it in my head.  Whatever works, strategize your way to happiness and find that way that helps keep you grounded.  Just be yourself and really in the end, if the guy is worth it, he will fight for you no matter what.  Just “Chill the eff out”.

Lessons learned!

1. Music is a must

Nothing makes the trip with amazing friends more fun and entertaining than a couple of iPods full of a mix of random music and taking turns playing DJ with each other’s playlists.  Whether it is spending hours in the border line up, cruising to your destination or getting ready in the hotel room, good tunes make any moment complete.  There is also nothing funnier than singing along at the top of your lungs to what you “thought” were the right lyrics and the entire car stops singing to giggle at your complete error:

- “Wanna sail on the side of a mountain side” (Michael Jackson – “Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa”)

- “When you’re all alone, and it really hurts sometimes” (Abba – “When you’re all alone, and the pretty birds have flown”)

- “Roxanne.  You don’t have to put on your red pants” (Sting and the Police – “Roxanne. You don’t have to put on the red light”)

If anything, those hours in the boarder line up you can provide pure amusement for each other as well as other cars around you.

Bonus points if you get a thumbs up sign from hot guys driving past you on the highway in a convertible!

2. In sickness and in health

Sometimes we are under the weather when we are on our little journeys.   Whether it is hung over or you have a touch of the  flu, a good nap followed by a glass of wine sprinkled with a little bit sucking it up is sometimes all it takes to get your butt out the door.  Just get yourself all dolled up, put on a sexy dress, some heels and you can fool the best of them that you are all good.  Besides, you just never know where that night will take you…

3. Chat up lines rock

Who would have thought that a random funny chat up line would amuse so many people.  We got a good laugh out of it, but had no idea that so many people would enjoy it so much that they in turn would bring their friends over throughout the night to hear the same chat up line.  Don’t underestimate the power of a good chat up line ladies!

4. Nothing is better than a good breckie in the morning

Not only is the full English breakfast a must after a night on the town to fill the tummy and kill any last traces of booze, but it is more of a must to recap the evening with your friends.  It is pure entertainment filled with incomplete sentences, finishing each other’s thoughts and one liners.  I cannot think of a more appropriate time to really appreciate those laughs and memories that no one else can possibly share or understand.  It is that true bonding time that I am so grateful to share a cup of coffee over.

5. You always learn something new

No matter where you go or what you do, you always learn a little something more about yourself when you go away.  We are searching for that little missing piece of the puzzle on an adventure and the reflection of the trip in the end always brings us a little closer to ourselves.

Lessons learned!

1. No matter what, it is important to do the little things that make you feel pretty

i. Find a good hair stylist – if you can trust someone to properly do your hair, you can trust them with your life.  We have all been to the hair stylist that was stuck in their generation they went to hair school and cannot move past it.  Like the one who is convinced that the Farrah Fawcett feathering was still in style in 1995 even when you wanted the Jennifer Aniston cut.  Or the one that thinks just the right shade of brass blonde works for everyone and does NOT look like a cougar from Malibu.  We can search our whole lives, but once we find one that works, no matter what they charge, nothing is worth the cost of avoiding those mishaps and colour corrections.

ii. Waxing and threading – the plucked chicken bikini line may work for a collage girl on a budget, but as the stretch marks, spider veins and cellulite creep in those cute little gym shorts don’t cut it without at least an attempt at smooth skin.  And even though we think we are getting all those eyebrow hairs, those little blonde devils are no match for bad lighting, crow’s feet and a magnifying mirror.

iii- Mani-pedi - sometimes it is more than a special day with your girlfriends or mother.  Well manicured toes and fingers always makes us feel polished.

2) Moisturize and sunscreen

All those years of a looking cute with a sun- kissed face and freckles suddenly begins to look like the face of a used  tea bag.  I had the fortune of a mother that started giving me her face cream as a teenager and got in the habit of slathering it on.  Day cream, night cream, neck cream and eye cream whatever the word before the “cream” make sure you try it out.  Most importantly, never forget the sunscreen.  It is amazing how I end up now leaving the house with face cream with spf 15 followed my a layer of sunscreen with spf 40 followed by the final layer of mineral powder with spf 15 and still manage to get freckles.  That sun is just a wrinkle waiting to happen on the face of time.

3. Good bra and panties

Throw out those granny panties that you never wear, really, they are only an embaressment to your underwear drawer.

We all have our favorite under garments that make us feel sexy, actually fit and we wear them in order from freshly washed to emergency wear on laundry day.  Take the time to purge those that we dread putting on last minute in the morning and spend a few extra bucks on ones that you actually like so you don’t have to get excited the first day after you do laundry.  We should start our day by getting excited every morning when you open the drawer to get those sexy pretty things on.  Nothing makes a woman feel more confident that a well fitted bra in all colours and undies that actually stay in place!

4. Good girlfriends

My friends are my family and family are my friends.  You cannot have enough special people in your life.  Cherish those that understand you the most and enjoy the short time you have with the ones that care the least.

5. Learn to laugh at your own misfortune

Everyone has bad days, bad weeks, even bad years.  It is inevitable and it happens to everyone.  Your only options don’t have to be the positive ever cheerful annoyingly happy person that never seems to let anything get to you or the negative, Debbie downer, buzz kill.  More than anything how we reach to the situations defines who we are in life.  We can either  complain and grumble and tell anyone that will listen until we feel heard, or we can look at it an laugh.  I have learned that I am a very clumsy and awkward person and really, when something bad happens I now make the choice to laugh at myself and now tell anyone and everyone the story with a humourous slant.

It is like the stereotype of a country song: You lost your job, spilled hot coffee on your new skirt and your boyfriend broke up with you.  But if you play it backwards you get everything back, like a fresh start: You broke up with your  boyfriend (who was not good enough for you anyway), so you bought a new skirt (to feel pretty), got a nice hot coffee (from that cute Barista down the street) and get a fresh start by looking for a new job.  It is all about perspective.

Lessons learned!

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